As a minister, after hearing those words, it is almost automatic that I would then say, “Do you – fill in bride’s name here – take – fill in groom’s name here – as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forth, as long as you both shall live?  If so, say “I do.”  Or, perhaps you remember the scene in the movie Wedding Crashers where Jeremy and John have crashed so many weddings that they make fun of almost every aspect of the ceremony and reception.  At one wedding, after wagering on whether a bridesmaid would cry or not, they then poke fun at the scripture reading – sure enough I Corinthians 13. 

While I’m not opposed to this scripture being used at weddings, I’d like to let it out of its box – take it off its leash – and breathe into it some new life so that it’s available to everyone – at every stage of life.  I believe that if we were able to wipe the slate clean and pretend for a moment that we’ve never been to a wedding – never heard this passage of scripture before - we’d be better able to understand what it means.

Clearly, love is a difficult word for us – there’s a commercial running right now that has a man sitting in a restaurant with a woman who is presumably his girlfriend.  He is struggling – I mean STRUGGLING – to say that he loves her but he just can’t do it.  The gyrations of his mouth and speech when he comes to the “L” word are very funny.  In the middle of a futile attempt – him saying “I l-o-o-o-o… you” to her, the waitress walks by and asks if he’d like another drink to which he clearly replies – “I’d LOVE one!” 

Before you snicker too much – I’m guessing that you are guilty of saying that you love chocolate, love Mexican food, love a good book, love your spouse, love your new car, love your kids, love your new piece of jewelry and love God.  But they can’t all be the same.  Common sense would tell us that a diamond ring must be worthy of more love than the great burrito I had last night for supper.  How can this be?  Some English dictionaries have as many as 28 different definitions for “love”[1] In English, “love” is a catch-all word.

To better understand what has come to be known as the “love chapter” of Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth, it would serve us well to understand a tiny bit of Greek – the language of the New Testament - and the circumstances that Paul observed in the Corinthian church.  Then maybe we can determine if this scripture really is useful for anything outside of a wedding ceremony.  First, the Greek.  While in English “love” is a catch-all, in Greek there are at least four words to attempt to differentiate between the kinds of love.

"Eros" has to do with physical, sensual love. Eros is what we “fall in”.  It’s the queasy stomach, warm and fuzzy feeling kind of love.  The only problem is that Eros is more dictated by circumstances than by commitment.  With flowers, a nice dinner and candlelight, Eros can thrive but take that away and Eros fades.  It’s why we want to tell people so newly in love to take their time because Eros can fade quickly when the seductive environment on which it feeds goes away. 

"Storge," (stor-gay) is the type of love which speaks of family ties. It’s the love between a parent and a child.  It’s how you feel when you hold your newborn or if you have teenagers, I’ve heard it said that it’s how you feel toward them when they’re sleeping!  But babies grow to be adults and sometimes, the kids fail the parents – and sometimes – the parents fail the kids.  This kind of love is also elusive.

"Phileo" is a third understanding of love in Greek.  Phileo is often translated "friend" or "brother." It is at the root of the name, Philadelphia, the "city of brotherly love." Phileo is the love of good friends but, like Eros, it too can go away.  A harsh word is said, something is misconstrued or distance comes between people and they go in different directions and phileo begins to crumble. 

The fourth word for love in Greek – and this is the one on which to focus for it is the word used in our I Corinthians passage - is "agape." Agape is sacrificial love and is not based on a feeling, but a determined act of the will, a joyful resolve to put the welfare of others above our own. It is from and of God and it does not come naturally to us humans. It is a mindset and takes our full commitment.  It seeks the highest good for other people regardless of their response in return. 

Something I did not know about agape until this week is that it is one of the rarest words in the Greek language. It’s almost impossible to find it, EXCEPT in the writings of the New Testament where it is one of the most common words. Since it is not a reaction to how we've been treated, agape is capable of being present even in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings for miles around. This is the word – this is the kind of love – which Paul wants to impress upon the church in Corinth.  If you grew up with the King James Version of the Bible, you’ll remember the translation of love in this passage as “charity.”  Not as in giving money to charitable causes but as in lovingly caring for one another.  So Eros, storge, phileo and agape, but agape as the only one that is deep enough to last through thick and thin.

Now to the church to whom Paul was writing - Randy talked two weeks ago about what was going on in the newly forming church in Corinth.  If you remember his “Blueprint” sermon, Randy described Corinth as Paul’s “favorite, troubled church.”[2]  Corinth was a wealthy seaport where the influence of pagan idols was strong. The church – or more rightly the people in the church - had an attitude problem. They were arguing and sniping about most everything – “my baptism is better than your baptism” – “I can interpret tongues and you can’t” – nanny nanny boo boo.  Randy talked about the 12th chapter in which Paul gives the church a blueprint for the way the church functions. That chapter ends with the words – “But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way.” (I Corinthians 12:31).  Then, the “love chapter” begins – a continuing blueprint for “a more excellent way” of living.

Now, some scholars think that the “love chapter” may have been inserted at this spot after the letter was written and perhaps belongs somewhere else.  This makes some sense if you read together the end of chapter 12 and the beginning of chapter 14.  They fit together nicely but regardless of where it belongs, the 13th chapter of I Corinthians is a powerful testimony to the kind of love – agape - that God has for us and the kind of love that we can have for one another even in the midst of trouble, pain and heartache.  It made sense for the people then and it makes sense for us now.  Paul defines this kind of love as having 16 attributes.  I’m going to list them but instead of thinking “wedding,” think instead “this is the kind of love that God has for me and because of that, this is the kind of love I should have for others.”

God’s love for me is patient, it is kind so my love for others should be patient and kind as well.   God’s love for me is not envious, not boastful, not arrogant and not rude so my love for others should neither be envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.   God’s love for me does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable and it is not resentful so neither should my love for others be about me, or be irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing but it does rejoice in the truth and my love for others should be the same.  God’s love for us bears all things – God’s love for us believes all things, hopes all things. My love for others could do that – it could bear, believe, hope.   God’s love for us endures all things and if I fully understand this agape love my love should endure all things too.  God’s love for us never ends.  My love for you will never end.

That same love – agape - is found in I John 4.  It doesn’t get much clearer than this.  “God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.” (I John 4:16, 21).  Or perhaps one you learned by heart – “For God so loved – agape is the word – the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes on him may not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16). 

If God abides in you because you set your mind on love in this way – this very intentional decision to love others – then God is active and working and making a difference in your life.

Love can make a difference.  While the Beatles likely did not study the nuances of love in the Greek language, they were aware that love – the kind of love that lasts no matter what – had the power to change lives and change the world.  In 1967, the BBC commissioned the Beatles, specifically John Lennon, to write a song to represent the UK on the first live global television link.  The task was to come up with a song with a simple message that would be understood by all nationalities.  Their hit song, All You Need is Love, was first performed live and broadcast via satellite on June 26, 1967.  Brian Epstein, the band’s manager, recalled it as an “inspired song.”  “The nice thing about it,” he said, “is that it cannot be misinterpreted.  It is a clear message saying love is everything.”[3]  Perhaps more than any other song, Epstein said the lyrics affected him deeply.  The band was profoundly moved by knowing this when Epstein died just a little more than a month after the song was recorded.

While the Beatles say this love is easy, it’s really not.  Once the passion is gone – once you settle into a routine - it then takes discipline, it takes us being intentional to show our love for those we like and for those we don’t.   What seems to be clear as one reads the New Testament is that the church's most important witness is not whether it is pro or con on the hot button issue of the moment, but that we love as God loves us.  We get nowhere, no, we go backward, when we as individuals, as a country or as nations, do nothing but yell at each other about our polarizing points.  It was Paul’s message to Corinth and to us.  It is for us to be God’s example, for God abides here, in your very being.  When commitment to love has been true, the church has been at its best and God has been glorified. It’s a lesson on a global scale and in the most private of matters.

The reality is we give ourselves to this business of love only by setting aside our absorption in our own feelings, our longings for eternal happiness, our desire for ongoing bliss. If we don’t allow those other three kinds of love to turn into agape in our relationships, we are the poorer for it. 

Years ago, Mike Harden wrote a piece for the Columbus Dispatch, which illustrates the kind of love of which Paul is speaking.  It is my hope and prayer that I can be both giver to others and recipient of the kind of love of which Mike Harden and the apostle Paul speak.

"When Frank Steger pushed himself into an upright position in the hospital bed, the heart monitor's fluid cursive line disintegrated into an erratic scribble.  This is what happens when you have congestive heart disease. 

His wife, Mary, returned to the room, drawing a chair to his bedside. 'Thirsty,' he complained. She lifted the straw to his lips as he pulled the oxygen mask aside. The medicine made him sick. She fetched the basin, wrapped a firm arm around his spasm-racked shoulders, mopped the sweat from his forehead. In sickness and in health. They were supposed to be on vacation, not holding on to each other in a cardiac care unit. 'Help me sit up,' he whispered hoarsely.

In the end, love comes down to this; not Clark Gable's devilish first appraisal of Vivien Leigh, not Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr rolling in the surf, but, 'Help me sit up.' In the room, a procession of medical courtiers came and went, trading pills for blood and tinkering, ever tinkering, with the buttons and dials controlling the tubes and wires to which their patient was trussed.

One evening Frank was sitting asleep in the chair next to the bed. Soundlessly, Mary slipped into the chair next to his. In the end, love is not the smoldering glance across the dance floor, the clink of crystal, a leisurely picnic spread upon summer's clover. It is the squeeze of a hand. I'm here. I'll be here, no matter how long the fight. 'Help me into bed,' he said. 'I'm thirsty.' 'Here,' she said, 'let me get you something.'

Along the road they once traveled so often to visit family, the hearse wound its way past stubbled fields, shuttered roadside markets. The minister passed the final benediction: 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.'”

Harden then summarized the story. “So when all is said and done, love is not rapture and fire. It’s a hand steadier than one's own, squeezing harder than a heartbeat. Endearment is exhibited by what once might have been considered insignificant kindnesses, but which, in the end, become the tenderest of moments. On the day after the funeral, trying to busy herself with chores that could easily wait, Mary plopped the laundry basket down in front of her granddaughter. The child tugged out the end of the sheet her Frank had always held when they did the wash. When the child brought the folded end to meet the corners her grandmother held, she kissed her playfully, just as he had once done. 'I'm thirsty, Grandma.' 'Here dear, let me get you something.'"[4]

So, I Corinthians 13 is a wedding scripture – I’ll give you that – but it’s so much more.  It describes the love God offers you to receive, to accept, to embrace in your life. When you’ve received that love, you can’t help but be transformed by it, and having been transformed by it, it will characterize your life, your relationships.  It’s a gift that you’ve been given – for God abides in you and you in God – claim the love that God has for you, for our world so desperately needs you to share it with them.